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    May 24

    Procrastination

    Which colour biro is better: Black or Blue? Blue or Black?

    A NEW ENGLISH LANGUAGE

    Old but funny...

    The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the EU rather than German which was the other possibility. As part of the negotiations, Her Majesty's Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5 year phase-in plan that would be known as "Euro-English."

    In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c". Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard "c" will be dropped in favour of the"k". This should klear up konfusion and keyboards kan have 1 less letter.

    There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year, when the troublesome "ph" will be replaced with "f". This will make words like "fotograf" 20% shorter.

    In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be ekspekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible. Governments will enkorage the removal of double letters, which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horible mes of the silent "e"s in the language is disgraseful, and they should go away.

    By the fourth year, peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" with "z" and "w" with "v". During ze fifz year, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords kontaining "ou" and similar changes vud of kors be aplid to ozer kombinations of leters.

    After zis fifz yer, ve vil hav a reli sensibl riten styl. Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi to understand ech ozer. Ze drem vil finali kum tru!

    May 06

    Bible Soundtrack

    I wonder, if some of our finest Biblical characters were to club together and produce an album of cover hits, whether it might look something like this?:
     
    1. Goliath - 'Another One Bites the Dust'
    2. Noah - 'Raindrops Keep Falling On My Head'
    3. Samson - 'My My My Delilah'
    4. Judas - 'My Way'
    5. Jude - 'Hey Jude'
    6. Nehemiah - 'Another Brick In the Wall'
    7. Job - 'Always Look On The Bright Side Of Life'
    8. Paul - 'Please Release Me'
    9. Joshua - 'Good Vibrations'
    10. Moses - 'We're All Going On A Summer Holiday'
    11. Bonus Track - 'Angels'
     
     
    (Courtesy of www.blogalmighty.co.uk. Incidentally, this album is for sale on their website, although currently out of stock)